Coronavirus

Coronavirus.

What else would one have to blog about in this time?

There are a few types of stances we've seen quickly emerge in the last week...…

The conspiracy theorists.

The ones that are not moved and are even a little bored with the all the media overload.

The panick-ers.

and

the ones like me.

The ones who are panicked, unmoved, sad, worried..... just fine and covered in peace, all at one time - or in the space of moments.....the ones who are CoNfUsEd!

Maybe you're confused too.

One minute I'm perfectly fine wondering why people are buying up all the toilet paper and am amused at all the confusion..... (Though I have to admit, I went into Dollar General to purchase an item and walked out with a pack of toilet paper just because "everyone else was buying".......and I'm not even sure why????)

THEN.....

I start thinking.....

well, then I think about the vulnerable ones.

The ones like my baby, Zeta.

The ones who end up in the hospital in life or death situations with just a cold or exposure to the least little thing......

I think about a time when (I feel) we were put in the corner of a pediatric ICU for just the reason that so many people are scared of right now.....

The reason that if it comes down to having to choose which patient gets the most time and resources it will come down to the ones who have the highest rate of survival and best quality of life left.

I mean, I get it. I get that if a health system (like in Italy) is overwhelmed then those are the heart wrenching decisions that have to be made. I get that it happens on a much, much smaller scale in health systems at times any way.

I get the 'dark humor' of the medical profession - trust me, "living" in the hospital with Zeta for so long, left me with a bit of that same dark humor at times....

…...because.....well, just because if you focus too much on the reality of what is happening and your emotions get wrapped into what's actually happening every moment too much then you would never be able to get through the things that actually have to be done in order to sustain a life....a life that you ultimately feel responsible in protecting......whether it's your loved one....or your patient.....

I get it.

...but just because I get it doesn't make it easier if it is my child or other loved one that doesn't get the attention or the ventilator....or the fighting chance because someone else has to make the decision on who gets resources and who doesn't.

I used the analogy in my blog years ago when I was struggling with the guilt of the care taking of my baby and feeling like I was neglecting my other two children - it's like watching one of your children drown then one of your other children deciding to jump in and they can't swim either. Which do you save? How do you decide?

I think about my grandmother who died just over a year ago. She died of a heart attack.....but there's no doubt in my mind that the flu was the impetus. Prior to that, her health was better than many people half her age.

I think about how the media and the experts reiterate over and over it is the elderly and vulnerable most at risk.

I think about my other grandmother in the nursing home.

I think about my parents.

I think about my son who had the flu this week.

Talk about a PTSD moment!! He hasn't been sick since like 1st grade...…

So....the first couple of days when he was not only sitting still....but actually sleeping all the time.....well, a little of that panic that SATAN is so quick to share......that panic set in....

My thoughts -

"He has coronavirus, I know it. What if my kid has some kind of undiagnosed immune problem that we don't know about? What if my other kid does? What if my parents get it? I had sneezing and sore throat and coughing and congestion a couple of weeks ago....what if I caused it? What if they end up on ventilators and have to live in the hospital? What if they all die like Zeta? What if? What if? What if??"

See??? PTSD moment. Maybe????

I mean, I know my fears were pretty unfounded - yet I couldn't really make them go away.

I had a little moment....or two.....then I brought myself together and remembered who is actually in control.....

and I know....

I KNOW.

I know GOD is in control.

If we're meant to be wiped out with coronavirus like God has wiped out the Earth before then it's going to happen......If we get wiped out by crazy people trampling us for toilet paper and food.....There's nothing we can do to stop it - if it's our time.....and there sure isn't anything that comes from panicking or acting crazy.

I get it.....just like I "get" the tough choices that have to be made....and just like I "get" that it is better to be prepared than do nothing.

I don't get.....perpetuating negativity…....fighting or belittling someone who views things differently than I do......falling in the floor and caving in to Satan's desire to fall apart and never getting back up....nor do I get the open criticism typed out and put out there for all the world to see and dissect putting down governments, schools, health care systems, doctors, nurses, retailers, teachers, parents, or ANYONE that is a target for our anger and fear during a time in which NO ONE has any real solutions or answers - and I'm not talking healthy debates here, I'm talking just plain, rude, offensive attacks..... It's all been a learn as we go for ALL of us. I'm willing to bet we all have feelings of thinking things are stupid or getting frustrated with "whatever" situation related to the pandemic....my personal view is that sometimes it is better to keep some thoughts to ourselves or discuss it with people who can help us work through logical reasoning.... Do we really stop and think about the things we say and do - Is it useful? Is it going to help someone or hurt someone?

...then my next view is....well, my next view is I can choose to bypass the negative messages I read or take a break from social media.....it's all about the ONLY true control I have in any situation - my OWN choices in how I RESPOND.....

...and I get it.....sometimes it's EASIER SAID THAN DONE......


>>>BUT keep this in mind.....when it comes down to it....on the day you're watching a loved one die (due to ANY reason - not talking about coronavirus)......is all the arguing, worrying, yelling, screaming, reacting, berating, etc, etc....is ANY of that worth it....does it change a single thing???......or when YOU take your last breath....is any of it worth it....does it change a single thing.....OR does it only make you feel better for maybe a fleeting moment then pull you further into the hole of darkness and despair....while hurting so many others??? The only thing that is "worth it" is controlling your thoughts and actions to the best of your ability and knowing that God is your ONLY Savior and eternal life will be so much better!

If we're all just going crazy because of the influx of media reports - it's human nature - we've never experienced anything remotely like this.....but shame on us if we allow our circumstances to infiltrate our hearts with greed and hate and lose our senses and compassion....AND shame on us if we don't get it together and understand WHO is in control.

....the following thoughts battle for room in my heart.....

"We’ll never know if we overreacted but we will know if we didn’t do enough."

and this I KNOW- "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33