I’ve often referred to Zeta’s life as a book. I’ve even mentioned that sometimes I would have liked to re-write a few chapters. Over time, I’ve become more at peace about the fact that this is God’s perfect plan and many parts of it make sense -but the human part of me still fails to understand or accept it all………. Since Zeta was 3 at the time she went to be with Jesus I now refer to this phase in our lives as Chapter 4 – Life after Zeta.
Let me tell you a little about how God works.
This summer, just a couple of weeks before school started, I got a call from my old boss, Robbie. He asked if I might be interested in coming to work with him teaching a 4-year old class, if the job became available. I wasn’t looking for a job. I had actually just prayed to God and told Him that if I should be working that the job would literally have to fall in my lap. In my mind, I still needed time to sort out exactly what it was that I should be doing. I figured I would take another year off from work. In the meantime, I would try to figure out exactly what I should be doing….. work to get the Team Zeta name and our mission out there…… work on a book and work on any education or skills I might need to obtain my future job – whatever it would end up being.
Those were my plans.
Well, we know how our own plans sometimes fall.
After talking with Robbie, the job actually did become available. Part of me assumed that maybe this was THE JOB that was falling into my lap. I mean it was a wonderful opportunity. I would get to work with my old boss again. I would be in a small public school with a small class. It seemed pretty good. To tell the truth, I was very nervous. I wanted to want this so much, but it just didn’t feel right. I cried thinking about working with four year olds. I was unsure of how I would react in the classroom with them. Zeta would be 4 in March. Just watching all of these little ones and knowing how much attention they demand and deserve and knowing that my heart was not fully there concerned me. In order to be an effective teacher you can’t just go into a classroom and spill your knowledge. You have to have love and passion for what you are doing. You have to make sure the kids know that your heart is in it – just like your relationship with God. In order to have the best relationship with Him you have to give Him your heart. You can’t guard it because you’ve been hurt or because you feel inadequate……but I digress – Another drawback to applying for this job would be the drive and deciding whether the boys would remain in Barnwell or go to the new school with me. I had a hard time figuring out how to make it work, but I always try to approach situations with a positive attitude so I kept trying to focus on all that was right with this position. One minute I would be almost sure that it was the RIGHT job and then I would be PETRIFIED that it wasn’t. There was a lot of back and forth conversation. I talked with my old boss about it and he was always a supportive voice.
Stay with me here – I know it takes me a long time to tell a story…………
This was all taking place in the time-span of a little less than two weeks before school started. During this time we were on vacation. Steven, my oldest child, has always wanted to go to his friend Kevin’s school because they don’t have school on Fridays. As we were discussing the possibility that the boys may change schools if I were to get a new job Steven kept asking if they could go to Kevin’s school. One day, without thinking I just nonchalantly answered, “Sure, if I go to work at his school then ya’ll can go to there.” There was no thought put into this, except the fact of trying to get him to quit asking me if he could go to that school. It just so happens that right at that moment, Kevin was there. It also just so happens that the Headmaster of that school is his uncle. Soooooooo, Kevin says, “I can get you a job there, my uncle is the principal.” Furthermore, he gets on the phone and proceeds to call his uncle – he also puts the phone on speaker. We were all getting a pretty big kick out of the scenario.
“Uncle Jamee.”
“What Bud?”
“Um, do you have a job for my Aunt Angel? Steven wants to go to my school and Aunt Angel said if you have a job there that he can go there.”
“No. I filled all my positions. Wish I would have known sooner.”
……and we all just laughed and laughed………
Jamee asked to speak to me and asked if I were really looking for a job. I told him no and said that I certainly would not put a 10 year old up to calling if I were!
…..and that was that…….. or so we thought.
Time was ticking and I had decided I would apply for the 4 year old position. I continued to worry and wonder if this was really what was in store for me. I had gone to visit the school and it was pretty wonderful. It was the size of a private school and seemed very cheery. There were moments I was even excited about starting a new adventure…….but there were still many questions in the back of my mind………I kept thinking, God – you have to send me a sign if this isn’t what I’m supposed to do – but you know, God, we had that conversation where I told you that a job would have to literally fall into my lap and I guess if I get this then this is it.
Two days before the interview with what I saw as my future school, I got a call from Jamee, Kevin’s uncle.
“Angel, were you serious about wanting a job?”
“Uh, no. I haven’t been looking and I sure wouldn't put Kevin up to calling and asking you about a job, why ya got something?”
“Well, no – but I’ve been thinking – we don’t have a guidance counselor and I think our school would benefit from one in helping get these kids prepared for college and life after school. I was thinking we would create a position for you. Would you be interested?”
In my mind, I was thinking – well, heck yeah I would be interested – but I’m going for an interview this week and that is supposed to be the job that landed in my lap and private school teachers make even less money than public school teachers and Stevie will never go for this and I’m so pro-public school I may not be accepted back into the private school environment and if I do this then I might not be accepted back into the public school environment if I decide to and…..and……and…..and…..
I can’t tell you how many thoughts flooded my mind.
“I’d probably have you teach a couple of highschool math classes too.”
There was the deal breaker.
No way, no how was I going to teach highschoolers. No way, no how was I going to teach math.
But my mouth opened and replied, “Yes I’m interested.”
He called back the next day to tell me that he had discussed his idea with the board and they were in agreement. Those two days seemed to drag on. I mean, the rest of my life seemed to hang on a decision that I had to make on a time-line. My boys’ lives would be greatly impacted on my decision and our family’s life would most certainly be impacted. We agreed that I would call him back later to let him know. In the meantime, I called my old boss. Of course, I was pretty distraught and told him that he was probably thinking that it was probably a bad idea that he called me in the first place since I was such a raving lunatic……then again, he’s seen me pretty low – my colleagues during the time of my pregnancy with Zeta all did. Those were some scary times….but I’m off topic again. I had no clue what my decision was or should be and I had two people that I had to let know about my decision.
Stevie and I talked. We listed the pros and cons and decided that financially it was a much better move to go forward with the 1st offer and if it didn’t work out then I could call about the 2nd offer and see if they were still interested. I was still uneasy about the whole thing, but I called Jamee and told him that I didn’t know WHAT to tell him……that I THOUGHT I was calling to tell him exactly what we discussed, but then my mouth took over again and I said, “No – I’m very interested and I have an interview at another school in the morning. I feel that professionally I should still go……but then again, I know that I want to be at AJA and that is the best move. Money has never been a guiding factor in my decisions and I’m not going to start now. Yes, I want the job!”
For a moment I felt free and I knew it was the right decision.
Then I hung up the phone and looked at Stevie. Uh-oh. That wasn’t what we had discussed. Then I thought about the fact that I had to call and let Robbie, know about my decision. Oh no! It was very hard feeling like I may be making the wrong financial decision for my family and it was very hard feeling as though I might be letting Robbie down………but in the end I still think it was the RIGHT decision.
I didn’t go to the interview at Robbie’s school. I actually backed out late the night before. I didn’t follow the money – the most reasonable choice. I didn’t follow the first good offer. I followed through on the fact that I asked for a sign and God gave it to me. I followed through on knowing that I made a deal with God. I told Him that if I should be working that the job would have to LITERALLY FALL IN MY LAP. I’m now at Andrew Jackson Academy, working in a job that was CREATED for ME. I feel loved, honored, and secure. I feel that it was the most perfect choice for the BOYS. The small Christian environment is perfect for helping their hearts and minds heal after all they have been through. I feel that I have already gained so much and I have so much to give. I feel I followed God’s plan.
Does that mean that I don’t still worry about whether or not I disappointed Robbie? No. Does it mean that every single thing about my new job will always feel right and perfect? Probably not. Does God always answer our prayers so swiftly? I’m not sure about that one. Does He give us choices and make His plan apparent? I’m pretty sure of it. I’m living proof!
This job gives me the freedom to openly share with students about my faith. It gives me the freedom to see my boys during the day. This job gives me a lot. It gives me time too. Yesterday, I was able to go out and work on Team Zeta’s mission. I was able to go visit another family with special needs children. There have also already been a couple of other days that I’ve had the opportunity to work on spreading Team Zeta’s mission because I have that extra day during the work week. Had I taken the other job I would not have had these opportunities. Yes, it’s still a lot adjusting to a new schedule, a new job, a new school……but it’s good………..I can hold my head high in knowing that my heart is in what I’m doing and that God has a lot more in store for me!
