So....I’m a sentimental, sappy person. In the grand scheme of life, today was just another day that a 93 year old lady was buried....and the past few days were just a type of every day grief we all experience at some time in our life.....but to me (and I think I’m ok to say - also to our entire family) it felt like pieces of the world crumbled around us...like nothing else mattered....trying to figure out what happens next......When the center of your family is suddenly gone, well...what happens then? I’ll tell you what happens...you fight with everything you have to hold on... you comfort each other...and swallow your pride. You come together with those you haven’t seen in a while....and you put aside differences in order to pay respect to the one that taught you most about life...the one that was half of the beginning of generations. You just do.....what I want for myself is to work harder to be like the example she set for us....the Proverbs 31 woman.....just like Brian preached in her service today......
My grandmother has been my role model since ...well, since forever. I always wanted to be just like her. I wanted to cook huge meals and make delicious cakes (neither of which I do, by the way)....I wanted to go to fancy parties and serve on all kind of committees just like she did (don’t do much of that either)....I wanted lady friends who loved me fiercely (I have a couple)....and I wanted a husband that worshipped the ground I walked on (I did pretty good there). I wanted lots of clothes and shoes just like her (don’t think I have all that, but Stevie might disagree 😜).....I wanted lots of little people to love me...and I wanted to make them pancakes and let them eat a whole bowl of cake batter- just like her.....I wanted to sit at the table and read my Bible or study my lesson- just like her....there are so many things I could say that made me want to be just like her. There are sooo many reasons and sooo many memories. There was never a time she wasn’t a part of my life. I lived across the street from her almost my entire 40 plus years of life. She was a part of every ‘big’ event in my life and most small ones too.
However, the thing that keeps running over and over most in my mind is how she was there for me at two of the most trying times in my life- first when my daddy was hospitalized after a near fatal wreck that almost cost him his life- my sister and I ‘lived’ with her while my mom lived in the hospital with my daddy....and second- how she was there for me with Zeta.....she loved that baby with all of her might. Zeta was a pretty intimidating kid....I mean with all the monitors and machines and beeps and stuff....but....let me tell you, my Grandmoma came to my house on a daily basis when we weren’t in the hospital. She held Zeta....she talked to her...she wasn’t scared of her at all. My 80 ‘something’ year old grandmother was one of the greatest reasons I could hold strong each day....she rode with us to most every doctor and therapy appointment before we got a nurse and she even had the regrettable experience of going to the emergency room with us once.....it was after that I decided I would do all I could to make sure she never had to go to the er with us again.....long story short, I walked around a corner while we were waiting to be admitted to the hospital and I caught my sweet Grandmoma crying....eyes closed and face toward heaven ......begging for mercy for my child......it absolutely broke her to see my baby like that......Grandmoma would bring us a meal or some type of food almost every night. She would call a few times a day and sit with us for hours on end. She was my reminder not only that someone else loved my baby as fiercely as I did, but also that I had someone who loved ME ...AND my whole family like almost no one else but Jesus could.
I’m not the only person in my huge family that can tell you stories about how special our Grandmoma was...or about all the things she did....that’s what made her seem like a super hero. She could be every where, save everybody, love everybody, and still cook a 4 course meal and keep her house spotless by the end of the day.
I can only imagine the things she experienced throughout her life...I mean with all the children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren she had to worry about....thing is, there was never a sense of uneasiness around her...and you never felt a sense of disapproval...it’s weird, but the love she had just wanted to make you a better person...she didn’t have a need to share disapproval because you just had this innate desire to do what was right when you were around her...it’s the closest real life image of how I picture being in the presence of God....and let me tell you, if being in the presence of my grandmother is even a trillionth of a percent of what it’s like to be in Heaven then I want to go now!
There’s no doubt where Grandmoma is now- seeing so many people she’s missed. I can guarantee Pop and Uncle Robbie were the two she was most excited to see. After Uncle Robbie died she would often say to me, “you know what it’s like...there’s nothing like losing a child.” I would always reply,”No, Grandmoma, I don’t. You had him 70plus years. I had Zeta for 3.” I truly can’t imagine what that did to her heart and soul. What I do know is that he knew he had a moma who loved him, regardless of any shortcomings....just like I know my moma and Uncle Baynard know they had a moma who would (and somehow probably did) walk water for them.....just like I had a Grandmoma who loved me and made me feel like the most important person in the world....but somehow also made everyone else around her feel just like that too! Gosh, I miss her! ❤️
A journey of life, death, love.....
