I’m processing

It takes me a while to process things.

People may take my ‘quietness’ as shyness, naivety, or disinterest.

....but really I’m just taking it all in....

I’m processing.

Stevie and I went for a walk today. I noticed my daddy’s labored breathing just before we left. This isn’t a huge alarm. It seems to happen frequently. He has a bad heart. He tries to play it off as congestion.

Stevie and I went for a walk.

We were almost back home. My daddy met us in the road. He basically stopped in the road while traffic was stopping behind him. We tried to motion him on.

He didn’t listen.

He stopped.

Then I realized he could hardly breathe.

Panic set in.

My outside remained calm, but I moved quickly.

We debated driving to the hospital or the fire department just a few blocks away.

The fire department won.

They called for an ambulance.

Not the first time this has happened.

Just the tachycardia.

They’ll fix it. They always do.

Helicopter called. This isn’t normal. It’s not ok. This isn’t what usually happens. My daddy can’t die. My Grandmoma died just a few weeks ago.

Two of the most important people in my life.

This is not ok.

My body remains calm. They’ll fix it. They always do.

Helicopter called off. Ambulance en route to MUSC.

He’s ok.

They fixed it. They always do.

....but what happens when they can’t.

I’m trying to process that....and I really can’t.

....but today....they fixed it....and for that I’m grateful.


*Edit - This was written in the spring while we were at the beach, but I'm just now posting.