In my spiritual journey I have learned a few things. I've learned that it's ok to not always understand. I've learned that it's ok to accept a lot of things beyond my control. I've learned that it's ok to have questions and I've learned that although there are some things I accept that doesn't mean that I will ever understand them.
For instance, why do crappy parents get kids? As the parent of a special needs child you may often hear, "God only gives special children to special parents." Very early on another special needs parent informed me that statement definitely wasn't true....that crappy parents often had special needs kids.......if you look around you see plenty of perfectly healthy kids with crappy parents too.....do I understand it? no. .....but I guess I have to accept it..... I don't know why a lot of things happen the way they do......It would be very easy to assume it is all hopeless.....
This is what our preacher has been talking about. .....having confidence in God....>>> there was a time in my life when I didn't fully understand that. I thought that having confidence in God was believing that he could make anything happen - while that IS true it is not at all how I perceived it. I perceived that people were teaching that if you asked faithfully enough for anything that God would grant your prayers - well, if it was something good, that is. Like, if you believed enough and prayed enough and knew God enough and prayed for someone to be well then it would happen - or if you prayed hard enough for someone else to accept Christ it would happen. After all, "where two or more are gathered in His name...." right? .....and these are both good things to ask for - things that it seems like God should want.......Thing is, that is often take out of context and what we need to understand is that having confidence in God is actually being sure of how He has every aspect of our lives already planned.....of how he gives us opportunities and gives us the choice to handle situations and decide whether we do these things WITH Him as our guide or if we try to do them on our own.
He can (and certainly has) provide divine healing - but still the part we miss is that there is more to it than that. Adam and Eve exerted their free will and committed the first sin. Since then we, as humans, are continually exercising our practice in free will and sin and understanding that God is God and He alone is perfect. He alone knows all the answers. If our earthly life were perfect would we desire eternal life? Would there be a need for God? We would have all the answers, we would have all the power, we would know all the right things to do - right? I don't believe so - you see - already God gives us one simple choice - accept the choice of salvation and have peace and know eternal life OR refuse the gift, turn our backs on Him and try to do the best we can.....and look at how hard we make that sometimes......
It's easy for us to say we accept Christ and that we're saved, but then we have all the 'buts' and 'what-ifs' and 'why me's' and 'this sure isn't the way I would do it'. We accept the gift of salvation and we know that our sins are forgiven, we know that God's way and His plan are perfect - when it matches what we envision is perfect.....
What we forget is that His plan is still perfect, even if it isn't easy - in fact, historically a Christian life on earth has never been a necessarily easy life - we forget that He knows every single detail of why things are the way they are and how they will impact every external factor. We lose our focus.....we lose confidence......because His plan doesn't match ours....
Our preacher used the example of a little boy, Hayden, in his evening message. he talked of Hayden and his family and the struggles the endure each day in his journey with epilepsy. He talked of Hayden's brother and his faithful prayers. He talked of Hayden's smile, despite the struggles. Hayden's story touched close to home.......my heart wept for Hayden and his family. I cried my own tears for our own struggles and the struggles Hayden and his family continue to bear. Right now I don't ask why because I understand it is a small part of God's larger plan.....but I still grieve for my own loss and I hurt for Hayden's family.....I grieve for them for the things they endure that other families probably couldn't ever imagine.....I grieve for them the things that they will never again take for granted - the things that others unknowingly do. I grieve for my loss. I grieve for my boys - the loss of their little sister and all that they've resiliently endured. I grieve for Stevie and the tremendous pressure of being the 'man of the family' with the responsibilty to provide for his family while trying to have to remain strong, while his wife openly weeps at drop of a hat - he lost his baby girl too - shouldn't he have the right to lose it any time he pleases too?.
No, there is a lot I don't understand. I've often said , that as a mother, Zeta would have been born healthy.......I would have never planned for her life to be the way that it was.......but when I stop and really think about it I know it was perfectly planned and that every step of her journey was not in vain......I know first-hand the good that has come of her short life. I've had the opportunity to experience life as I never have before......I know that she is healed and wearing that huge smile in heaven with her own little crown......I know that I will one day join her.
I know these things because I've accepted salvation.....I know these things because they are promised. .......I'm not standing on idol worship.....I'm not standing as a desperate mother grasping at anything to make the senseless make sense......I am standing as a grieving mom who is able to rejoice because I know that God is real....I know that Heaven is real......I stand on the promises of God, because I've already experienced too many things that are not coincidental...things that can only be explained by God.....I pay attention to the small things because the miracles are there - you just have to see them.........God is there - you just have to be CONFIDENT!
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