I've always felt this way, especially when a particular verse of scripture continues to show up - like God is screaming at me to listen to whatever He's trying to tell me.
Take Jeremiah 29:11. How many times that verse manifested itself in my life even before we knew all that was to come.
Well, it seems the scripture I should be concentrating on right now comes from the book of James:
Funny thing is, it's not like I feel like I'm going through some big trial right now. If anything, I'm more at peace with myself...and my life...and God...than I have been in quite a while. Maybe He's just trying to remind me through the little things.....
A friend of mine gave me the Made to Crave Devotional by Lysa Terkeurst last week. My friend is someone I really look up to and rely on when it comes to healthy eating, motivation, inspiration, and self-discipline. She knows at least 2 things about me - I love God & I often struggle with disordered eating.....thus the awesome devotional!
Well, just look at what I ran into on Day 4 of the devotional:
(I just shared the whole devotion...just in case it helps someone:)
If you read my last couple of blogs (hey, I've managed one per week...I'm on a roll:P) then you know that this scripture has been staring me in the face a lot lately...and if I'm honest, it really came in pretty handy this week. I fought kidney stones again since last Sunday. This gave me a complete lack of appetite....which led to craving lots of bread and cookies and all things dough-y (think giant cinnabons!) That disordered thinking about food led me to believe that all the soft, bread-filled, gooey goodness would make me feel better....and in all actuality, considering I was eating only half the calories on my meal plan the extra food probably would have given me a boost....at least momentarily.....thing is, the moment I would have allowed myself to fall into the trap of comforting myself with food I would have lost my battle. Would I have immediately gained 10 pounds? No, but I would have beaten myself up...probably decided I already failed so I should just go ahead and eat a bag of reeses too...then that would lead to binge eating everyday until I was feeling better....which would have led to who knows how long to getting back on track. Would any of that have been worth it? No, not to me...not right now....venturing off my meal-plan doesn't help me meet my current goals. I guess I can relate it to an alcoholic. I don't always know how to enjoy things like that in moderation! So, right now...if I don't plan for it, then it doesn't need go into in my belly! (side-note, I did plan that once I was feeling better I would have some raw cookie dough I kept eyeing....and Friday afternoon when I started feeling better I did!!!...just don't tell my trainer:~)
I'm sure you can see how that particular devotional was perfect for my mindset this past week.
What's funny is...it goes so much deeper than that.
For some reason, I've had lots of second-guessing going on in my mind this week. Maybe it was because I wasn't feeling well....or maybe it was because of the food struggle going on in my head...who knows.
Stevie and I are going to Haiti on a mission trip this summer. When I volunteered to go I had no idea how we would pay for it and I had no thoughts of safety or anything else. I just felt like God was pushing me to do it. I think Stevie just signed up to protect me:-P Anyway, for some reason there have been lots of little thoughts going on in my head this week. Lots of what-ifs and worries. Like, I don't know where they're even coming from....but they're definitely there. I believe it's Satan's temptation making me question God's hand or protection in this....sooo....how appropriate that the scripture from James has been so fresh on my mind for the past 3 weeks?!
One more thing....last week I shared about changing directions in my career....... I have to say I think it caught quite a few people off guard. Understandably so. I had only shared the news with my immediate family, a close friend, my preacher and my administration. I can honestly say it's still something that I can't even fully explain....it's just something I feel I'm being nudged to do. There have been some questions people ask - mostly "Why" and "What will you be doing?" A few have wondered why I would leave a job I love and the security of teacher retirement, benefits, and summer break. One person even asked if I would be making a lot more money (because that's the only logical reason people leave a job they like).....with all of these questions I've had all kinds of thoughts in my mind.....but still it's something I feel like I should do. So maybe...just maybe God is using the scripture from the book of James to remind me not to feel deprived over the loss of summers off...maybe there's a bigger purpose and a bigger triumph somewhere.....who knows....I just know I have to keep praying and keep trusting. Maybe Hospice is what God's plan has been for me all along or maybe it's just where I need to be for now....any way that it goes, I'm just gonna trust Him!
Hopefully, if there are questions you have in your own mind right now, maybe something from the book of James....or something else is speaking to you....just hang on!
Love,
Angel
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