Wake Up

"WAKE UP!!!!" This is what I feel like shouting sometimes.

I mean, really - when are some people gonna wake up and 'get it'. Know what I mean by get it? I mean, when are we going to realize that we only have ONE life. We get ONE lifetime to make a difference, and ONE opportunity to make choices that will ultimately affect our eternity. Sometimes, we are only given one opportunity to make a difference in another person's life. What happens if we bypass the chance to make a difference - a real difference in some one's life? What if we miss the opportunity to truly help someone in need? What if we turn our backs on God?

I'll tell you what happens....we become a self-centered, self-absorbed entity. When we turn our backs on each other, we turn our backs on God. We decide that it's not our problem. We rationalize that we don't have the time to help. We make ourselves believe that we're not good enough, rich enough, or smart enough to do anything to make a difference. We convince ourselves that situations are hopeless. People go hungry, people die, lives are broken.

Let me tell you, I've experienced firsthand how much (and how little) one person does can affect a life. Words can sometimes make or break some one's day, some one's attitude or even some one's LIFE. I think back over our experiences with doctors, nurses, and hospitals over the past 20 months and I KNOW that we have been blessed more often than not. I know that those first few months God knew that we needed encouragement to prepare us for our life ahead. He specifically planted knowledgeable and caring doctors, nurses and staff in our path. He has continued to bless us with people who believe that our daughter, and our family, are worth the time.....and worth the effort. In the rare instances that we have come across someone who seems not to have the time.....or perhaps doesn't seem to really care - I try to give that person the benefit of the doubt. I have to believe that no one would spend their life working to be successful as a doctor or nurse to just blow it. I have to believe that every human has the capacity to care. I have to believe that somewhere in their heart they have some understanding that there is always some way to make a difference. I mean, even when it comes to life and death situations....even if a doctor feels there is nothing else they can do to help someone....surely they understand that the way they convey that information to the family can impact that family (or that child) FOREVER.

Not coincidentally, God puts things on our hearts and in our minds for a reason. Sometimes we don't understand the reason.....and sometimes we do not like what we feel He may be asking us to do. Sometimes it takes us a long time to even realize what it is that He wants us to do. Sometimes we don't understand why certain things happen.....and sometimes we might even question if God is listening or if He is even real. I find myself falling into this trap sometimes. I feel like God has presented Himself to me in a way that I should have ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT as to whether or not he listens or if He is real. Sadly, though, when I feel like things aren't going my way I have a tendency to begin to begin doubting again. I'm not proud to admit it, but I feel it is important to be honest. The era of the hypocritical Christian should be forever gone. Non-Christians are constantly looking for holes in our stories.....a reason not to believe.

Friends, I'm here to tell you HE IS REAL. (Hold on ----here comes the evangelist) Like it or not. Believe it or not. I have every reason to BELIEVE!! I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed to God (and then finally chose to listen). I cannot tell you how I've begged, bargained, and pleaded. I began praying that Zeta would be healthy even before she was born. I believed that God was God and He could (and would) make her whole. He could erase all the issues that we were scared would happen, but God's plan was not mine. If the answer is 'no' or 'not now' - that I'm not yet sure of......I still pray for her health, but my prayers have changed. I pray for peace, I pray for acceptance, I pray to have an open heart to accept what I am to learn from it all. I pray for all of my children. There have been a few times that I have been completely broken and told God that I had no idea what to say, or how to pray...or even what I should be asking...........should I ask for healing......should I ask for peace.....should I ask for it all to be over?????.......I read in the Bible that I should just sit still and let God be God. On more than one occasion that is exactly what I have had to do. I had no more prayers left in my body and no more tears left to cry. I had to leave it with Him and trust that it was His answer, in His time, for His Glory and for our good. My prayers have changed. Now, even when I do not have the words to pray, I know that He knows my needs. I know that He has not and will not forsake us.  We are given  the opportunity to  see God's love and light in others. We are given the opportunity to be the light for others. Does it mean that we give up? Does it mean that the pain hurts less? The answer to both questions is no. What it does mean is we grow....we evolve.....I believe.....we change....... for the better.

I am very excited to share that I am hopeful that my and God's plans may finally be showing some similarities. Today, she is active - full of life....and personality.    Zeta has not had a 'sick' hospital admission since just before her brain surgery in July. This is no less than miraculous, considering her past 21 hospitalizations and spending over half of her life in ICU. I whole-heartedly believe that surgery to remove the HH was one of the BEST decisions that has been made in her care thus far........We've come to realize that any time she leaves the confines of our home she is susceptible to any germ lurking in the air......She picks up every little thing...thankfully, she has been able to overcome these little sicknesses at home without the assistance of the hospital. I was recently reminded that she is a child that -on paper- should still be in a hospital, or in an institution somewhere.....There are a lot of times that I kind of forget that though.....I want to take her everywhere - to church, to the zoo, to the movies.....I want her to experience life....but more than that.....yes, even more than that - I want her to experience love.....and I want her, and all of my children, to know God.....so for now I will try to be more accepting of the fact that we still live a sheltered existence.....but knowing that Zeta is growing stronger every day while she amazes us with all the strength she has shown.

Thank God for this day you have been given. Smile. Share a kind word. There may be someone aching to feel accepted or be loved. There may be a newly dedicated Christian who (like us all) still feels like he is floundering. Encourage him. You never know when the smallest thing you say or do may change a life!

I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do,or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now.  Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.  ~Stephan Grellet