Ever feel like you should be doing something, but then wind up just feeling useless?? Most of the first 2 years of Zeta's life I spent praying, researching, praying and researching some more. I gained more medical knowledge than I ever desired. After her brain surgery we had some reprieve and I began to feel better about things.....but last March after her "big" post brain-op episode when she started a downward spiral of regression I felt like I had researched enough. We felt like maybe we had figured out as much as we could at that point in time. We decided that we just wanted Zeta to live her life as comfortably as possible. Remarkably, since that time Zeta has been relatively infection free - most of her issues seem to be related to neurological status. Although the episodes sometimes seem to change we felt like we've had a good grip on her patterns and we've eventually been able to gain at least decent control of things (although sometimes it seemed as if we'd never see the light at the end of the tunnel). Right now, she has an infection - a UTI at that. The first UTI she ever had nearly killed her through septic shock. Subsequent utis threatened havoc on her good kidney. Those memories rolling around in my head put me back into full-time adrenaline mode........I feel like I should be doing something, but then what can I do? (That's a rhetorical question, of course.) This isn't a rant or a pity party, believe it or not. This is just a........'what do I do with these feelings' post.
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8
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